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Hollywood IS going Broke (back Mountain)!
Agenda entertainment...
[by Patrick Hurley] 12/19/05

With all the whining coming out of Tinseltown, the creative “geniuses” continue to miss the point as to why their movies are not being viewed by the majority of the human race. The same industry that gave us Academy Award winning quality in, Ben-Hur and The Godfather, now foist pap on us like, Million Dollar Baby, and, the new Oscar contender, Brokeback Mountain. The latter is a heartwarming (according to the movie publicist) story about two male ranch hands who fall in love on the prairie. It used to be a cowboy and his horse, but I guess that relationship would be a little too kinky today even by Hollywood’s standards.

These two fellas, both married with children, carry on their affection secretly for twenty years and, from what I am told, the ending is a heartbreaker. People have cried from previews in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Jackson Hole, Wyoming. These are not exactly middle America hotspots, so the jury is still out on whether folks in Kansas and Ohio will open their crusty hearts and minds to, Some Like it Hot Along the Barbed Wire Fence. But, Hollywood is trying REAL hard to convince all of us to accept gay cowboys, just like they worked mightily to get us to melt at the sight of a dying boxer babe who got hit one too many times with a left hook. I think that last Oscar winner can still be bought at LESS than half-price at my local Blockbuster. It is in that special bin they have there.

In addition, the favorites for Best Actor and Best Actress are Phillip Seymour Hoffman for his portrayal of Truman Capote and Felicity Huffman, who will be playing a man preparing a sex change operation in the movie, “Transamerica.” Color the Academy Awards mauve.

Homosexuality is with us to stay in our society, I respect that. Two of my main clients are gay and they are professional, witty, great to work with and I consider them my friends. But, I feel uncomfortable with the film industry shoving a gay premise for a movie down my throat just because it has won a few awards in its early run for credibility. Are people who are raving about it doing so because it is about a poignant relationship or because it is about gay COWBOYS? Kind of like, “The Marlboro Man seduces Wyatt Earp?” I can just hear the new slogan now…”Ranchin’, Ropin’ and, Rear Endin’!” I mean, what is the main message here? That gay people can be cowboys so homosexuality has truly entered the mainstream? If you can rope a cowboy, then ANYONE can come out of the closet, right? Yippee Ki Ay! (I will leave out the last part of the phrase that Bruce Willis made famous in, Die Hard. Another great movie, by the way)

It sounds like Hollywood is making a big push (no pun intended!) to make America understand that they have a huge gay community and dammit, they are to be ACCEPTED! I guess we failed to comprehend that when Rock Hudson was being wheeled on that gurney in France or when Liberace died. We people in the red states are a little slow on the uptake as to what is going to be the real America someday, I guess. The movie inducement propaganda machine has tried before…

Did, Midnight Cowboy bring national acceptance to male prostitution? Uh, no. It is famously known as a trivia question, “What was the only x-rated movie to win an Academy Award?” Gee, that’s cutting edge. Now go away.

I miss the inner demons of T.E. Lawrence in, Lawrence of Arabia. I yearn for the lyrical love scenes in, The Sound of Music. I was personally touched by the vulnerability by C.C. Baxter who loved the elevator girl, Fran Kubelik, in, The Apartment. I am a tender guy. I love a great movie with great characters who can reach my soul. Maybe this film will win an Academy Award like the ones I just mentioned, but I am finding it hard to believe I am going to love this flick as much as Hollywood wants me to. Why?

Because the publicity mavens are trying too hard to convince me this is a great movie and worthy of an Oscar and most importantly, help me with my acceptance of gay love. I already respect people’s lifestyle choices. I do not need to see, Dances with Wolves and Bare Buttocks to become politically correct on the prairie. I just want to watch a good movie with the right amount of butter on my popcorn. Get your act together Hollywood. Bring back, Old Yeller. That dog was a better actor than 90% of the people who light up the silver screen today.

That’s why you are going broke. -one-

copyright 2005 Patrick Hurley

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