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	HURLEY

Seven Highly Effective Habits to Understanding a Woman
by Patrick Hurley [scriptwriter] 6/20/07

With the divorce rate continuing to rise, (okay, I had something to do with that!) I have decided to write an article in the public interest. The public interest of men who are having trouble relating to the female mind. This is my contribution after years of Freudian slip ups. There are two ways to handle a woman, her way and HER way. Ignore these ways and you will be living alone for a long time. Trust me, I know. So, here are the rules:

1. Do not argue with a woman. It is useless to win a debate with a woman because women do not argue. They just roll their eyes and wait for you to admit you are wrong. The longer you continue pointing out her flaws and errors, the longer it will be before you see her within a hundred yards of you. If you really don’t mind sleeping in the guest room, start an argument. 
2. Be careful with your compliments. Here are the topics fit for praise with a woman: her work, her intelligence, her ability to find good shopping bargains and her mechanical prowess. Anything to do with her looks, weight, sexiness, (unless she has been drinking heavily!) and her mother are to be avoided at all costs. Do not try to influence her in the latter categories if you want to avoid your mouth being duct-taped for a year.
3. When she cries, zip it! A woman is not your child or a disgruntled employee. When she complains or vents her feelings, it would be natural for you to try and comfort her. You will have a better chance petting a piranha. Sit fairly close to her but do not touch her in any way unless she snuggles closer to you while telling you how much she hates her sister. Remember, she doesn’t want a solution; she wants to talk and cry and feel the world is unfair to her. I know, it’s crazy. It’s a woman.
4. “Fine!” does not mean, “Fine!” One of the common mistakes men make is to assume a woman’s words mean what they are. Hardly true. It is not the content of the word, it is the tone of voice delivering it. If you sense your woman is unhappy and you ask her, “Everything okay?” And, she responds with the verbal texture of satan about to claim a soul, do NOT assume she is, “Fine.” If you do, you will be welcomed into the gates of hell. Naked.
5. “Just hold me” does not mean SEX! Yes, she is in bed with you. Yes, she is your wife. Yes, you have had sex with her over a thousand times. (or maybe twenty or less) But, when she says, “Hold me, that’s all I want tonight” the odds are good that she REALLY means, “Hold me, that’s all I want tonight.” Maybe she will change her mind and want more, but if you keep your hands on the public parts of her body, you will be a wise man. A FRUSTRATED wise man.
6. Big and little things. A woman is a realist. She knows you are not capable of always giving her the expensive gift. She knows how cheap you are. She understands how you can spend $1,000.00 on new power tools and wince when you buy her a CD of Enya for $18.99. So, when she claims, “You don’t always have to buy me something big, it’s the THOUGHT that counts, sweetie!” Not entirely true. She will get tired of the charm for the bracelet. Every once in a while she wants the BRACELET! With diamonds. Or take her beyond IHOP to Italy. Grit your teeth. You can do it.
7. Keep kissing her. Never let sex replace kissing. Most of the time, a woman loves kissing, cuddling, snuggling, holding hands, sweet affection and massages more than sex. If you want to keep romance in your relationship pretend you are still in high school. Most women never grow up. They don’t want to. They always want to be your best girl. Keep her young and you will keep her happy. Playful intimacy is always more exciting than sex. Sounds crazy, I know.

There you have it. If you like what I have written, maybe I will send you guys another seven gems  for you to experience with the woman of your dreams. For now, I have a more important mission. To find a woman of my own! After all, I want to see how well these habits work for myself… ExileStreet

copyright 2007 Patrick Hurley

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