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Contributors
Michael Levine - Contributor
Michael
Levine is the founder of the prominent public relations
firm Levine Communications Office in Los Angeles. He is
the author of 15 books. www.LCOonline.com -
E-mail:mlevine@LCOonline.com [go
to Levine index]
 My
Hollywood Headline Predictions for 2024
How weirder can things get?...
[Michael Levine] 6/1/04
These days when I
hear the latest Hollywood news, I can’t
tell if I’m listening to CNN or the Comedy Channel. Often,
the present-day headlines are too ridiculous to be taken seriously,
yet this is what’s going on in the “news” today!
Twenty years ago, when my journey in Hollywood had just begun
with the inception of my PR business, my eyes were popping at
some of the headlines. In 1984, we were afraid of things like
the AIDS virus that shocked and scared us. Vanessa Williams,
the first African-American Miss America, was crowned, then dethroned
a short while later for posing for “Penthouse." Today,
headlines are even more bizarre.
This year alone, we’ve seen three of America’s most
prominent celebrities under fire: Michael Jackson (the most loveable
child from the Jackson Five, indicted for child molestation),
America’s Miss Perfect, Martha Stewart (guilty of insider
trading; Bad Martha!), and wholesome star basketball player,
Kobe Bryant (charged of rape).
What about Governor
Arnold? He’s news, and he didn’t
even get arrested. I suppose he didn’t do anything that
bad, unless you count becoming a politician. The former Mr. Universe-turned-actor
played "admirable," reputable leading roles in movies
like the TERMINATOR series and CONAN THE BARBARIAN. Well, we
should have forseen the rise of the Governator. In those movies,
he did show leadership qualities. But really now-- would you
have ever predicted?
What else can we expect
in the year 2004? With the advent of increased communication
technology, there is less personal space.
We are overflowing with communication, and everyone is in everyone
else’s face. We can just expect that things will get stranger
and stranger.
According to some, "Hollyweird" already pushes the
envelope on strangeness. Entertainment headlines are scandalous
and shocking as it is (why we continue to be shocked and scandalized,
I don’t know; I think we’re all pretending.) What
could we be looking at in twenty years? How about these on the
covers of your newspapers and magazines? My predictions for the
entertainment headlines in 2024 are:
- Mel Gibson chosen as new Pope
- "Kill
Bill Vol. 47" scores big at box office
- Billy
Crystal hosts Oscars from his room at TV & Motion
Picture Home for the Aging
- Average
movie ticket price: $325
- Brad Pitt
lands lucrative dentures promotional campaign
- Paris
Hilton cuts ribbon to officially open Paris Hilton High School
- Courtney
Love's new parenting manual hits bestseller lists
- Olsen
Twins leave rehab, declaring "This time it's going
to work!"
- William
Hung picks up his 14th Grammy Award
- Hugh Hefner
returns from the dead to date twenty-something triplets
- President
Schwarzenegger allows native-born Americans to vote again
- Jennifer
Lopez new spokeswoman for Butt Botox
- Animated
version of "The
L Word" debuts on ABC Saturday
mornings
- Jessica
Simpson awarded honorary degree in marine biology from
Harvard University
- Donald
Trump's plans for new reality show "The Newlyweds" cancelled
due to fiancee Omarossa's
cheating ways
- Britney
Spears comes out of closet; realized she was
attracted to
girls when Madonna
kissed her
- Colin
Farrell faces 1000th paternity suit; plans big
commemorative celebration
- Quentin
Tarantino succeeds Garry Marshall as "New King
of Romantic Comedy"
- Reese
Witherspoon scores
smash hit at Cannes
with LEGALLY
GRAY
- Michael
Moore's controversial new documentary draws
ire of National
Slingshot Association
- Jean-Luc
Godard to remake THE LIZZIE
MCGUIRE MOVIE...
underwater
- SAG
on strike for medical coverage
of hangnails,
sex changes,
and nose-hair
removal
- Matthew
Perry stuck in traffic
on the
405 for
fifth consecutive
year
- At CDC's
prompting,
cigarette
smoking
digitally removed
from CASABLANCA
and other
Bogart
classics
Eerily, I CAN imagine SOME of these headlines gracing our news.
You never know what tomorrow brings, right? The most shocking
thing is that, perhaps, we are not very shocked at all. CRO
copyright
2004 Michael Levine
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